Learning the Minnesota ways

Most days when I drive Meredith to school, we listen to music on the iPod. We do a good job of taking turns. Meredith requests The Who or the Beach Boys these days. With some of the songs, she asks me to do the singing while she pretends to do drums or guitar or both. Even when I was hoarse and unable to put out anything remotely musical with my voice, she firmly requested my participation.

This morning we were listening to the Moody Blues. I was singing along mindlessly while we were driving down I-394. Meredith says something in the back. "What is it?" I ask. She repeats, "You don't have to sing, daddy." I.E. stop singing, it's annoying.

I comply without hesitation, because frankly, I'd find my singing annoying too. I'm fortunate that she tolerates my singing most of the time and even continues to request it. I know that won't last forever. What I find remarkable is the hint of passive aggressiveness in her request. Now, true, she was simply reminding me that I didn't have to sing as she didn't request it for that song. Most four year olds are incapable of intentional passive aggressive speech. Usually I'm finding myself explain things like, "Telling me the food I made you is 'really yucky' is not very nice. There are better ways to express it." Then we go into the examples of better ways. Four year olds are still generally brutally honest.

This remark has simply caused me to reflect on the suggestions I'm making to her, as well as the communication I'm modeling. Much of it is of the polite, passive aggressive, Minnesota nature. I have my own mixed feelings on what's known as "Minnesota nice." By and large, I prefer the way people communicate and deal with each other in Minnesota and the Midwest in general. Spending time on the East Coast has taught me that there are brusque, less tactful, simply aggressive ways to talk. And I didn't like it, even though it was refreshing at times.

At this rate, our girls will be true Midwesterners. Hopefully, polite, respectful, and friendly, and not too passive aggressive.